A bit of an update.

So, it's been awhile since I've actually updated. So I will actual update. It's been awhile, so I'll start off with my surprise graduation party.

Well, it wasn't a surprise for many reasons. The biggest reason is that my step dad blurted it out the day before. But, my mom threw a pretty good shindig. There was BBQ, Speech from my Grandmother, and most importantly, my family was there. It was awesome. I really do love my nieces, sister-in-law, brother, mother and step dad. But what was nicer is that extended family showed up, and my mentor from work showed up. I was really thankful for their presence and presents.

Yesterday I set out see apartments. I found one. I found a 1058 square foot apartment for ~825 dollars a month. Which is a freaking steal if you ask me. I do not have pictures of that yet, but it is a truly awesome apartment. No one has lived in it, cement and tough insulation so no neighbor noise bothers me, and the complex owners seem pretty ethical and transparent. I'm a bit skeptical, but we will see.

Also yesterday, I was rewarded with a new car! A 2009 Ford Escape. Named Buddy (because while driving around town, I kept seeing them around and I'd call them a buddy). There's a lot I like about this car. Monetarily, it's a down grade from a Lexus, and that's ok with me. The Lexus isn't a car for me. I will admit I might miss a few things about it, but it is ok. The Lexus will stay with the family.

PICS:

What to do?

I feel like i'm on a creative streak. I want to be creative. So I sit down and try focusing on a craft. 

Only to figure out the work from my hands are far from reasonable in my mind. 

I feel that I can only be creative by telling a few jokes. But those jokes are not mine. Like this picture. 

I feel that I am only creative in some areas, and that is by oral tradition of stories. Something which is hard for me to spread around. 

I also feel like academia is stunting my creative growth. 

I feel like a lot of things, and it is pretty hard to focus creativly on one  thing right now. 

This is in no way a complaint, but really an observation. An observation I needed to explore. 

Missing friendships.

Sometimes I have burned bridges that I really regret burning. Especially me not really knowing what I did to deserve the treatment received or maybe I am just a rude person. It really makes me not confident about my reactions or actions.

Times like this require retrospection. I wish I had a nifty guide book personalized for situations I have gotten into. That'd be nifty.

Noble Modernity

Some say that the noble man has died. I do not mean the upper-class kind of nobility, but rather the one of charity and kindness. Nobility in the since of leadership. A person who has integrity. A person that is awe-inspiring. A beacon of virtue. Some say that such a man does not exist in our times.

It is easier to do the wrong thing many times over. It is easy to be an asshole. It is really easy to be selfish. It is even easier to be overcome with negativity, blinding one's perspective. I try not to be a negative person, but it is just way too easy in my life to be negative. Sure I can pick apart a million things bad about something, but is it worth it? Does expressing the negativity make the entity less negative? Perhaps.

I've gotten off topic. When I am in leadership roles, I do my best to go beyond the negativity. I try to be a modern noble man. Something which is hard to do. Professors in the business world often speak of the unethical behavior, and at times saying it is acceptable to be less than noble.

This is getting a bit ranty and off topic. I'll just end it here. Because what I'm basically saying is not explicitly new knowledge. It is hard being respectful and doing the right thing - even when it spells failure for you. I seem to enjoy a good fight though, so maybe that is one of the many reasons I do enjoy trying to be a good person.

Recognition.

One of the current themes in my life is the majority of my relations do not recognize me for worth or value. Often the words communicated are miscommunicated. Perhaps I am at fault to a degree. Other times, I feel as though I do not achieve the respect by my comrades that I deserve. I think there is some sort of lesson I missed while I was growing up. Some key value I did not install in my brain. At times, I feel as though I am talked down to, rather than talked to.

The situation is complex, and it can not be blamed on one thing. Previously I said I am confident that I have a hand in this, and I get the feeling it is how my vocabulary or syntax is structured. I do believe my body language and communication is structured behind an ideal that is miscommunicated between the relations. Basically, I am setting up for this. I'm not too sure how to change this, or where I started.

All I know is that I am getting agitated by it. I feel as though as friendships are getting exhausted because of this situation. I feel as though I have grown out of the relations, and thus should grow out of the friendship. I do not see it changing, because of the parties involved.

Which leads to some sort of sadness. How does one say goodbye to such friendship? Nothing said, but just actually leaving? Do I burn bridges? I'm not too sure, and I don't think I will particularly know until later in my life.

Narrowing my scope.

I have a few disjointed thoughts going on in my head right now.

1) I have way too many online profiles.

2) I feel like I should write more in this thing, as to get closer to people whom I do not talk to online or in person day to day basis.

3) I need to narrow my scope of my ambitions. I want to do so much, but all the things I want to do post-college require things I really have to fight for. Respect, social standings, etc, etc.

4) A part of me feels that I should narrate and animate a few things about History on youtube. In a tradition which is hilarious to watch.

5) I would use blogger more, but I have to put in a stupid randomized code for every comment. I already have an account and I'm not a robot google! I swear!

I pay my teachers in college grade me very biasly and teach me pretty irrevelent stuff. I go to college because I'm smart.